Fear not, little flock

"Therefore, fear not, little flock; do good; let earth and hell combine against you, for if ye are built upon my rock, they cannot prevail.

Behold, I do not condemn you; go your ways and sin no more; perform with soberness the work which I have commanded you.

Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not."

D&C 6:34-36

These past few months have been really rough for me. I've been trying to juggle school, work, health problems, and trying to re-apply for my mission.

I'm not gonna lie, it's been discouraging.

Really discouraging.

Last month, I got very sick. Long story short, I had to go to the doctor and an OBGYN and have an ultrasound (which is not fun by any means, especially when you're by yourself), almost had to go to the ER (thankfully I didn't), and racked up a $600 medical bill in one weekend alone (guess who met her deductible...). For a college student, $100 is a lot of money (Heck, $20 is a lot of money!). Imagine me when I got a $600 bill:

I was only freaking out a little bit. *please read that in a very sarcastic voice*

At the end of the weekend, I found out that I had PCOS, which is short for Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome. (If you are squeamish or immature in any way, skip over this next part. I'll let you know when to start reading again) Basically, instead of an egg leaving my body after a fertile cycle, it sticks itself to my uterus and becomes a cyst. Yay.

(The squeamish and immature can start reading again)

I've been battling this since I was 14, but I didn't get an official diagnosis until December.

After talking to my bishop and old roommates that had served missions, I found out that there was a high chance that I would have been sent home from my mission to take care of myself, which would have been harder on me emotionally than staying home because of other health concerns.

Remember my butterfly story? Yeah, that was one of the things that tore my wings that I didn't know about.

But, it's given me other opportunities to serve! Last semester, I had the opportunity to take a family history class through BYUI. I learned so much and my love for family history grew. This semester, I have been called as my ward's family history leader.

If you know me, you know how much I love family history, and you can imagine my reaction to the news:

I was very excited.

I am also considering applying to a Young Church-Service Mission. You can serve from home, choose how long you serve, and you can put in recommendations for where you would like to serve. I am really hoping I can serve at the family history center in Idaho Falls or Rexburg! I'm thinking of applying for next year, that way I have time to save up and get ready. :)

And, while life is hard, things are starting to look up. When we follow the Lord, and acknowledge His hand in our lives, we are able to do so much more. He will protect us, and lead us on.

 "The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever."

Psalms 23:1-6

Love your favorite adventurer,

Bekah

But I want to fly!

Hey there fam!

I have some good news and some bad news. It's taken me a while to put what I want to say in words, but I'm finally able to talk about it with ya'll.

I'll start off with a story :)

4 weeks ago, my bishop looked at his part of the mission portal and said that my call would come that week. I was so excited! The week passed, and nothing came. The next Sunday came, and I asked him to look again. He looked, and with a puzzled look on his face, he said that my papers had been sent back to my stake president.

!!??!!

Because I can never get a hold of my stake president, I just went right to the source and drove to Idaho Falls that day XD I was able to meet with him, and he said missionary medical sent them back, and that they would be sending a letter with what they want me to do.

Fast-forward 2 weeks to the 28th of June. I finally met with President Jacobson. He read the letter to me. In it it said that because of some health issues, I have to wait 6 months before I can re-submit my papers. During those six months, I will work on the things they have asked me to do.

Bad news:

My mission papers have been delayed for 6 months because of medical reasons. 

When I first got the news that I was being delayed, I wanted to cry. And I did. A lot. I couldn't understand why I was being delayed. I had such a strong desire to go, and I wanted to leave right then. I didn't want to wait.

Good news:

While I don't know if there's another reason why I'm being delayed (like maybe there's someone I'm suppose to meet while I'm on my mission that won't be there unless I leave later), I know that this is suppose to happen right now. No, it's not pleasant. If I had my way, I'd be leaving July 22, the day after I turn 19. But, the wonderful, beautiful thing is, it's not up to me. Trust me, I'd probably mess it up. Right now, my life is in the hands of my loving Heavenly Father, and He knows what He is doing. He can see everything! And His timing is beautiful. His plan for my life (and your life!) is absolutely wonderful; full of happiness and trials, times of rest and times of growing. I know that everything is suppose to happen for a reason- nothing happens by chance. 

And hey, I'll get more time to work so I can save up money, and I'll get more time to spend with my family. And I'll have more time to better prepare myself for my mission, because I want to be the best missionary I can be. 

{And I'll get to watch the newest season of Doctor Who and Mockingjay Part 2, but I would have waited for those}

And, other good news: I've now lost 23 pounds, and this Saturday I'll be walking/jogging a 5k! It's a color run! I couldn't be more excited!

I have a little story for you guys.

On the Fourth of July, my family and I went to Heise Hot Springs. After we went there, we drove to the square ice cream store in Swan Valley (I love their ice cream!). As we were driving home, something hit my side view mirror. Next thing I knew, there was a monarch butterfly with a severely damaged wing sitting on my mom's stomach. Her wing was almost completely off! I was going somewhere around 35-45 mph, so I asked mom to wait before letting her back out. My mom tried to cup her down, but the butterfly kept trying to fly out of my mom's hands, as if she didn't know that her wing was broken. She just wanted to fly and be happy. My mom, seeing that the butterfly didn't want to wait anymore (I was waiting for a stoplight so we could let her out safely), let her out the window. Knowing how damaged the butterfly was, how fast we were going, and how many cars were on the road, I realized that she probably didn't make it.

That's when I had the feeling that the Spirit was trying to teach me something.

I am that butterfly. I have things that I have to work on, and because of those things, I'm a little damaged. My mom was acting in the place of Heavenly Father. He's telling me, "Wait Bekah. You need to heal before I can let you go on a mission. A mission is hard, difficult work, and if I throw you out the window right now, you might not make it. You need to wait." But I've been jumping and pushing against His hands, saying, "No! No! Let me out! Let me go! I want to serve a mission!" I have now realized that I really do need to wait. I need to get my medical things ready now so when I go on my mission, I'll be ready :) He loves me enough to make me wait!

So, right now, if you feel like you have to wait for whatever reason, or you feel stuck, please know that you are waiting for a reason. If you are in a hard trial, you are in it for a reason. You may not know now, but you will some day. I promise you that.

So, while I've had a few setbacks, I know that this is suppose to happen, and hey, I'll get to spend a few more months with you guys before I leave. It's all in His timing, and the Lord is never late!

I hope you all have a wonderful week! :)

Love your favorite adventurer,

Bekah